This past weekend, I gave a talk to a group of creative women celebrating International Women’s Day.
We gathered inside a beautiful design studio (Studio Broad in downtown Stanton, Virginia) and enjoyed the company of like-minded souls, despite the pouring rain and fog.
I had been invited to give a little presentation on the topic of tarot and oracle cards in business and life, which is something that I find so much fun to play around with and explore, especially as it connects me with my intuition.
The main thing I wanted to convey in the brief time I had with these women, many of whom I might never meet again, was the fact that each one of us gets to decide whether we act like a leader in our everyday lives.
To me, this topic is important, and something that we often don’t talk about because leadership has a specific connotation that doesn’t resonate with a lot of folks.
For the most part, when I talk about being a leader, what comes to mind for most people, myself included, is getting your master’s of business or working as an executive within an organization, or at minimum managing a team of employees.
Leadership is seen as a job description more than a way of moving through the world, but that’s a limited definition. Yes, it may be indicated as part of your job title.
But the reality is that leadership is a quality like any other. You can be funny and a leader. You can be a mother and a leader. You can be a stay-at-home husband and a leader.
There’s no right or wrong way, and there’s no credential you must have on your résumé, to act like a leader in your everyday life.
And why bother?
Because owning your agency and potential to be a leader, and consciously flexing that skill and that muscle in your daily life, is one of the fastest ways to feel more powerful, enthusiastic, and capable of creating the life you want, which is directly correlated to your ability to enjoy the life you have.
Your leadership is about owning your sovereignty. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t subject to systems of oppression, but it means you can navigate those systems and imagine new ones in ways that are true to your values, true to your vision, and true to who you want to be as you help build the world you want to create.
Everyday leadership is a choice where I wake up, look around, and decide I may be victimized by circumstances, or I may be facing situations that I don’t like for any reason, but I still have a choice about what I do about it. I am capable of responding to what’s in front of me, from a place of deep knowing and neutrality, and I can decide to operate from love, compassion, competence, justice, or whatever really matters to me to bring more into the world. Even if I’ve been victimized, I will not live like a victim. What has challenged me or hurt me does not control me or find me. I am in charge of my life and how I show up while I’m here.
That to me is the definition of everyday leadership: taking charge of your choices, your options, and the trail you leave behind you.
And make no mistake: no matter what your job title is, you are already being called upon to be a leader in many situations in your life.
Certainly, if you have a management or leadership position within your organization, or you run a small business, then, of course, you’re the leader within that organization.
But if you (also) have a home or a family, meaningful relationships, or projects that you steward and care about, or if you’re a member of organizations or community groups where you volunteer or donate your time, or if you have a career of any kind or an artistic passion that you pursue, you are required to be in leadership.
The common denominator in all of these circumstances is that you are required to make decisions. You are required to be in charge. Just because you’re not responsible for every task under each of these umbrellas does not mean you can abdicate your overall responsibility for the trajectory and outcomes of these things you care about.
For example, my husband does bathtime, but it’s on both of us to make sure my son is clean-ish. What’s more, if my child’s cleanliness was a high priority for me (which it really isn’t, as anyone who has seen his face post-pizza can attest), and my husband forgot or slacked on bath duty (which he doesn’t), it would be on me to enforce or uphold the routine.
Makes sense, right?
One point of clarification. Just because you are required to be in charge doesn’t mean you can’t a) decide to outsource your responsibilities entirely, in which case, you only need to lead in project management and quality control; or b) make passive decisions.
I’ve gone through many phases in my life where the only decision I could commit to was to not decide at all. My dating life comes to mind when I talk about this. But to be clear, even when I was living on the Jersey Shore and dating multiple men named Tony, I was still managing and navigating my dating life. Even though I didn’t want to make a decision to get serious with any of them, I was still deciding to be passive. I was still in charge, even though I wanted to deny it.
If you, like me, tend to avoid making uncomfortable or difficult decisions, the best advice I can give you is to recognize that not making a decision IS a decision. You are deciding to be passive, to leave the outcome entirely to chance. (And sometimes that’s perfect! You don’t need to be obsessively controlling to live a good life.)
Simply notice where you’re choosing to be passive, and imagine the likeliest outcome if you continue to choose the path. If you like or feel fine about where you’re headed, stick with it. If not, decide to put your hands back on the wheel and take charge more deliberately.
I see this time and time again with clients and friends who are wanting to create change careers and businesses but feeling stuck or uncertain about what to do. At first, they’re passively waiting for things to change—lingering in the discomfort of avoidance and/or trying to ignore what’s bothering them.
Eventually, though (and sometimes with my prompting), they own their implicit decision to be undecided—and it’s like a light switch get flipped. They instantly shift from feeling frustrated to feeling capable and powerful, even if they don’t love the decision options in front of them. And THAT’S the recipe for a more satisfying life.
So when it comes to all the various circumstances in your life where you might be called on to be a leader, whether it’s something as simple as deciding what’s for dinner for the 900th time or deciding what you want your next career move to be, don’t just rely on your intellectual abilities and advice from other people.
I want to encourage you—as I encouraged the women I met with this weekend—to leverage your intuition, your sense of creative potential and play. Imagine possibilities and see what you’re naturally drawn toward. You can truly find inspiration for making decisions anywhere: from the flowers you pass by as you walk down the street to random bumper stickers that you see on cars.
Anything can be a spark that helps you make decisions that align with who you are and are true to you. Anything can be used as a mirror to reflect your own truth back to you.
(Speaking of leveraging your intuition in life and leadership, did you miss the workshop that I delivered on this topic last year? If so, I invite you to read more about it and download the training right here: https://bit.ly/intuition-training-series)
One tool I love is using oracle and tarot cards as part of my business and personal development. The words, images, archetypes and myths of those cards conjure a spark, a reaction inside of me, and offer food for thought and fuel for imagination. Thus inspired, I can make some decisions about what is relevant for me, what’s not, and where I want to go back to the drawing board to find some new ideas.
So the next time you have to make a decision, remember that you are the leader in your everyday life. This is how you take your power back. This is how you can have some fun, even with things as boring and routine as meal planning. And yes, I’m talking to myself right now. Life gets to be creative and sparkly, even in its most mundane and difficult moments.
Let yourself play and let yourself lead, and do it from a place that feels good to you.
Speaking of leadership, and having it be a magical everyday process, I’m excited to announce that I will be hosting a pop-up podcast! The title is Everyday Unicorn, and it’s a personal development podcast for anyone who wants to harness their magic as a leader and work in life.
This project has been in my heart for a long time, and I’m excited to make the official announcement and share new episodes with you over the coming weeks and months.
In the meantime, if you have any ideas for a topic or something you’d love for me to cover, hit reply, or leave a comment below and let me know. I am taking requests as well as planning to serve you some fresh content very soon.
