Whenever someone asks me how I’m doing, my first response is usually “I’m living the dream”.
This never fails to get a laugh from people. I know most of us are trained to expect (and deliver) a banal “fine, thanks” in response to this question—or if we’re feeling particularly frisky, some genuine comment on the things that are currently bothering us.
Maybe it’s just me, but social niceties seem to require either a nondescript or negative response.
If you’re going to be polite, you need to offer someone a boring and inaccurate statement they can gloss over to end the interaction quickly. Otherwise, you need to say something that makes it comfortable for the person across from you to feel good about their own challenges and insecurities.
To me, this is the social interaction equivalent of refusing to take a compliment. We all have a silent agreement that nobody (or very few people) knows how to appreciate themselves and their circumstances. If they do, they shouldn’t acknowledge it publicly because it comes across as bragging or self-important.
The tendency that I observe in my former self and others is to downplay, dismiss, or undercut complimentary statements with sarcasm or change the topic.
Blech.
I’ve become excellent at receiving compliments. (Go ahead! Throw them at me! I love ‘em!)
Likewise, I’ve become totally comfortable talking about the awesome things currently happening in my life.
If someone asks me how I’m doing, and I’m doing great in that moment, you can bet that I’m going to say so.
Even if I am doing average, I’m still going to land on the side of positive appreciation. Because let’s be honest, my everyday reality—even when it’s annoying or frustrating or I’m tired or sick or stressed about something—is, on the whole, fantastic.
(Side note: I’m not one of those toxically positive people who deny feeling like crap when that’s the truth. If you ask how I’m doing, and I’m having a rough time, you’re going to hear me say so.)
All of these silent social agreements lead me to wonder if we might not be trained to look at our lives as generally unpleasant when they’re actually pretty great.
This isn’t to discount the scientific fact that all humans have a negativity bias that makes us fixate on unpleasant things, no matter how wonderful our general circumstances may be.
This is just to acknowledge that we’re usually better off, and doing way better than we give ourselves credit for.
So today, I’d like to offer you a few questions and a specific exercise to help you capture that feeling that maybe, just maybe, you’re currently kicking ass at life.
Because what if it’s actually true and not a joke that you’re already living the dream?
What if you’ve already “made it” according to the vast majority of definitions?
What if, right now, you already possess countless riches and desires achieved, and you’re swimming in a dream of abundance?
I know that it can sound like a lot. Especially when you’re flooded with grief and anger about global injustice and despair, you’re actively working to achieve a long-sought-after goal, and/or you’re worn out from the grind of your daily life.
These genuine upsets, these frustrations, and these fears are all the more reason to step outside the confines of your pain and anger and connect with the joy that already exists in your life.
All the more reason to count your blessings. To enjoy the hell out of where you already are and who you’ve already become.
Here’s a simple exercise to help you do that:
What differences would you find if you could go back in time six months, a year, five years, or more, and meet the person you used to be?
What dreams, realities, or life changes were you longing for? Which of those had you already achieved?
What love and compassion could you pour into that version of yourself (from your current reserves of care)?
What did she admire about you? What about you made her proud?
Spend some time with the person you used to be, and admire who you were then and are now.
Lavish yourself with some well-deserved praise. Then return to your day and commit to savor at least one aspect of your kick-ass skills or accomplishments.
Now, if you’re feeling particularly frisky, write back and tell me: what’s one thing your past self is proud of you for?
You’ve already built an incredible life. So go out there and live it.
