Last time I popped by, I talked about the three stages of overwhelm: acute, chronic, and systemic.
(Need a refresher? Click here.)
Today, I want to give you a few tools you can use to diffuse overwhelm when you’re in it. I’ve included one actionable first step to take for each of the three stages.
I’m keeping it simple because, when you’re up to your eyeballs in to-dos and feelings, your best solution will always be to slow down and take things one step at a time.
I fully acknowledge that slowing down can be REALLY hard. We live in a culture that rewards speed and action. We’re surrounded by interruptions and conflicting interests. There’s a LOT of pressure and temptation to continue to run when all you want to do is rest.
Too often, though, we’re chasing an imaginary feeling at the end of an impossible race. That satisfaction and breathing room we think awaits us never comes because the carousel of tasks never ends.
The good news is that you can cut to the good part and actually take space BEFORE you feel like you’ve “earned it”. Pressing pause allows you to take a step back and make more effective, productive decisions. So in the end, you actually create that sense of satisfaction by using the time you’ve got more intentionally.
Now that I’ve hammered home the importance of slowing down, here’s how to actually DO IT. 😉
If you are stuck in Stage 1, AKA acute overwhelm, you need to declutter.
Stage One occurs when you have an excess of thoughts crowding up your mind and heart. (Did you know your prefrontal cortex can only hold 6-7 thoughts at one time? No wonder it feels like the influx of ideas and priorities in your head are jockeying for space — they ARE!)
In this stage, you need to give yourself some mental and emotional breathing room.
Set your timer for 5 minutes, take three deep belly breaths, and get allllll your thoughts and ideas down on paper.
Let yourself write or type like the wind. Just spew and spew and spew.
Are pent-up emotions making your mind swirl? Feel free to word-vomit those too.
Enjoy the catharsis of actively emptying your brain of the million bits of data you’ve been holding onto. When the 5 minutes are up, put the paper or document aside and go back to your day.
Maybe you’ll revisit the list, maybe not. For now, you can just know all those important ideas are safety stored somewhere OTHER than your head.
If you are stuck in Stage 2, AKA chronic overwhelm, you need to delegate.
Stage 2 occurs when the number or intensity of tasks on your plate eclipses the time or energy you have to complete them. In this case, you need to lighten the load of actual responsibilities you’re taking on.
Delegation is the name of the game when you find yourself stuck in Stage 2. Though you may decide to hire outside help, delegation doesn’t only look like outsourcing tasks to other people. You can also delegate specific to-dos to new priority levels or timeframes for completion. (This is one of those areas where you can get ruthless with your Eisenhower Matrix.)
Your first step in effective delegation is this.
Set a timer for 5 minutes and make a list of what you want to delegate. Go wild. Imagine that you can wave a magic wand and let go of everything that drains you. You can decide later what to do with the information — for now, just allow yourself the pleasure and peace that comes with imagining getting the wrong things off your plate.
Remember, you are allowed to design a life where you operate primarily in your zone of genius and in alignment with your values. Just identifying what DOESN’T make your shortlist can help you start to think of creative ways to let go, one task at a time.
If you are stuck in Stage 3, AKA systemic overwhelm, you need to detach.
Stage 3 occurs when you start to believe that your circumstances (a crowded to-do list; a demanding work schedule) or your emotional reaction to those circumstances (a wave of anxiety; a pounding in your chest) mean something bad or negative about you as a person.
The truth is, there is NOTHING wrong with you. You’re simply doing your best to navigate the natural ebb and flow of life. And that’s hard to do sometimes! Especially now, as we continue to move through the collective crisis of the COVID-19 pandemic. And ESPECIALLY if you’re attempting to work and lead under the weight of life-long systemic oppression.
Please know that if you are caught in Stage 3 overwhelm, you are not alone. Nor are you bad, broken, faulty, failing, or doomed to live out a rinse-repeat cycle of chaos forever.
The first step to breaking free from this cycle is to detach from your self-criticism.
Maybe your inner critic believes the toxic cultural myth that your worth is measured by how much you get done, how well you do it, and how selfless and perfect you look along the way. Maybe she’s a perfectionist, trapped in the schoolgirl mentality that you need gold stars and A+ grades in every area of life. Whatever story your inner critic is telling you that causes shame and blame, it’s time to let it go.
Here’s how you detach.
- Set your timer for 5 minutes, take 3 deep breaths, and put your hands over your heart. Then make a list of all the negative thoughts you’re currently thinking about yourself.
- Once you have your list, take 3 more deep breaths and once again center yourself in your heart. Now go through each item and say, “I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that [insert your judgment here]. I am worthy of love and respect, and I deeply love and accept myself.”
- Feel free to tweak these words so this experience feels forgiving, affirming, and true to you. The more you practice catching the critical stories you’re telling yourself (which are likely internalized cultural or familial messages, i.e. not YOUR thoughts in the first place), the easier it gets to detach your self-worth from your perceived performance.
Once you’ve gotten back to center, you may find yourself ready to implement the 5-minute tools from Stages 1 or 2.
As I mentioned, this list includes just the first step to take to combat each stage of overwhelm. But when you’re in it, even one step is enough.
So which of these tactics will you implement to give yourself some breathing room? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
And if you’d like further support on anything I mention here, don’t hesitate to reach out.
