If you’ve been in my world for any amount of time, you’ve heard me talk about Imposter Complex and how you can take practical steps to move past it.
Today, I want to share a subtle nuance in the confidence-building process that many people miss.
Too often, we think of confidence as a natural consequence that comes from achieving goals. If we achieve certain goals that we set for ourselves—if we get the promotion, send the email, make the sale, etc.—we’ll feel more confident because we’ve “earned it”.
The fallacy here is believing that any external result can create internal changes.
Think about the last goal you achieved in your work life. How long did the feeling of pride and self-confidence truly last for you? Did you experience a true sea change in your self-respect and self-image, or did you merely feel boosted for a few days or weeks before falling back into a pattern of needing to “earn” more confidence?
The truth about overcoming Imposter Complex and building confidence that lasts is that both require you to play an inner game. You must abandon your fixation on external results and measures of success and focus instead on the marginal gains you can make in how you treat and talk to yourself.
Simply put, you need to increase your self-trust.
In October 2023, I had the opportunity to speak at DisruptHR Cville, an event designed to challenge conventional thinking about work and talent. (Much like TEDx, DisruptHR supports independently organized events nationwide, and it was an delight to share the stage with other inspiring individuals who are reshaping our perspectives on careers and life pathways.)
During my speech, I argued that confidence is more than just power posing or faking it till you make it. It’s a direct product of building self-trust.
Self-trust is the positive feedback we give ourselves, the way we talk to ourselves, and the actions we take to align with that trust. It’s about shaking off the weight of self-doubt and uncertainty, and intentionally changing the narrative we tell ourselves.
To find out how you can outsmart Imposter Syndrome in 5 minutes (or less!), watch my DisruptHR speech right here: https://disrupthr.co/vimeo-video/the-virtuous-cycle-of-self-trust-elizabeth-derby-disrupthr-talks/
Bonus: It’s only 5 minutes. 🙂
Prefer to read? Here’s a more general overview. .
Cultivating self-trust (and consequently confidence) is a three-step process.
Step 1. Challenge the internalized oppression and default trauma responses that currently shape your self-image.
Recognize the negative self-talk and skepticism that hold you back. Replace it with words of encouragement and belief in your abilities. This is the first step towards building self-trust.
Step 2. Take action that aligns with your genuine desires.
Trusting yourself is not just about what you say, but also about what you do. Every step you take in alignment with your desires reinforces self-trust and builds your confidence. So get clear on what you want to do and who you want to be in any given situation, and take steps to make it happen.
Step 3: Embrace incremental growth.
Confidence is not built overnight. It’s a journey of continuous growth and learning. Celebrate small victories along the way, knowing that each step forward, no matter how small, contributes to your overall confidence.
Regardless of external validation or outcomes, investing in your confidence is empowering. It allows you to live more authentically, in ways that reflect your values.
That’s exactly why I spoke at Disrupt in the first place. And true to form, I walked offstage feeling more confident than ever.
