Today I’m stopping by with a quick PSA.
This is a subject that I have spoken extensively about to clients and friends. It’s the subject of expertise and what advice is worth taking and what advice is worth ditching when it comes to your personal and professional development.
You know at this point that I like to talk about things like astrology, tarot cards, and trust in your intuition. I also like to talk about things like strategic decision-making and relying on expert advice when you don’t know the next steps to take.
What’s often missing in these conversations, especially when people are feeling lost or like they don’t know where to head next with their life or career, or even if they’re just facing a tricky situation in their interpersonal relationships, is an awareness of where their decision-making comes from: why they’re choosing to believe certain people and make certain decisions instead of other ones.
It’s a dangerous thing to blindly follow experts just because they purportedly know more than you about a certain topic. Like everything, I take this statement with a grain of salt. For example, even though a very small percentage of vaccines can have negative side effects for certain populations, I believe in vaccinating myself and my children against viruses and bacteria that are likely to deeply damage or kill me or the ones I love. I don’t fight Western medicine and science on things that feel like statistically a no-brainer.
At the same time, you could be referring to more subtle areas of decision-making and growth, like getting coaching or strategic input on your next business or career move or even reading self-help, and personal development literature. People tend to label themselves as experts and communicate from a place of authority, an attitude of “I know everything and you can trust me no matter what.
This is how you should communicate and where you should write from if you do, in fact, see yourself as an expert and a leader in a certain area. I’m not knocking the confidence with which experts speak and write about their chosen topics.
I just want you to notice that simply because someone speaks with authority and projects the idea that they know everything, even if you are feeling uncertain about a topic, it doesn’t mean they necessarily know better than you do. It’s really easy to fall into the trap of believing you have to follow or implement certain pieces of advice just because they’re delivered in a very confident way from a resource or brand that you trust or assume has greater authority and intelligence than you do.
But I caution you against blindly following what anyone tells you, especially if it comes from an institution that you’ve been taught has the ultimate power and the right answers for everyone.
The bottom line is, there is no right answer for everyone. So any group, organization, or institution that purports to deliver that kind of answer is lying to you.
Let me give you a concrete example. A few years ago, I was approached on LinkedIn by a representative from the Forbes Coaches Council. Forbes is obviously a well-known resource in the business and leadership world, and pretty much anyone who can say that they’ve been published in Forbes or has some other association with the magazine is immediately granted an air of authority and expertise beyond the average person. The representative who was reaching out to me was asking if I wanted to pay a significant annual fee to be featured on the Forbes Coaches Council, and could be given the opportunity to publish in their magazine. You’re catching this, right?
Basically, someone was offering me the opportunity to pay to put their label on my LinkedIn profile, my website, and elsewhere. I’ve seen many coaches send out emails where their title and email signature include the Forbes logo and a mention that they’re part of the Forbes Coaches Council. To be fair, the Forbes representative indicated that she had some reason for reaching out to me specifically. She began her sales pitch with some flattering words about my skill set and experience and then asked if I wanted to pay to add that designation to my profile. Of course, she didn’t say it like that, but that’s essentially what she was offering.
I chose not to participate because it didn’t sit well with me. It felt like an unearned shortcut to solicit the respect of future clients and collaborators—one that was also classist and out of integrity. So I said no.
I share this whole story because of what it highlights: the fact that all of us are surrounded by “authority markers” that cause us to pay attention or give credibility to sources that may or may not be credible. It’s one of our psychological tics, a neurological shortcut that can inadvertently stop us from thinking for ourselves.
For example, if you saw the Forbes Coaches Council logo on my profile, website, or email signature, you might be more inclined to respect my opinion or take my advice. You might even stop thinking for yourself and decide, “Well if this woman is smart enough to be featured on Forbes, then she’s certainly smart enough to tell me what to do.”
So humbly, I say: Please don’t do this. Not just with me, but with anybody. Just because someone has a degree from a certain school, has a certain number of followers, or makes a certain amount of money every year does not mean they are better or wiser than you when it comes to who you are, what you truly want, and how you can best navigate the uncertain waters of your career and life. You are the ultimate authority to yourself, your world, and your legacy. You are the one who must live with every decision you make and the legacy you leave behind.
At the end of the day, the buck stops with you. If you can’t back up every decision you made to the best of your ability at the time, no amount of blaming experts or pointing fingers at people who told you to behave differently is going to excuse you from the results.
You create the outcome that you have to live with. When you choose to take ultimate responsibility for all of your choices, you access a level of self-awareness and personal power that enables you to feel more confident in the decisions you make, even if you’re not sure if they’re the right ones.
Because, you know, no matter what, you are willing to back yourself. And that is what truly matters when creating a meaningful and well-lived life.
One more note about astrology and oracle cards specifically, because I’ve said this 1000 times and I need to say it again for the folks in the back.
If you read an astrological forecast or horoscope, or you pull a card that makes you feel bad, please don’t take it seriously. If something fills you with a feeling of doom, gloom, or dread, do yourself a favor, and remember that this is all just an exercise in creative exploration and discovering your own truth, while navigating the impossibly murky waters of being a human being on planet earth.
Do not sacrifice your well-being, emotional or mental health, or peace of mind to a deck of cards as an astrologer, coach, or anyone. That’s just not what it’s for. And my personal philosophy is, if you’re not having fun, there’s a way to make it work better for you.
As I climb off my soapbox, I want to acknowledge that it’s a tad ironic to send a newsletter all about how you should never do what anyone tells you—except for me right now, apparently.
But to the degree I can stand firmly on any foundation of philosophy and personal belief, I do stand on this: You are the truth-teller of your own life. You are the owner of your heart. You can trust yourself and you can believe in yourself, and when you do, that is how you will create an amazing life.
